Why do some people avoid conflict while others seem to thrive on it? Does it have to do with their personality style and/or confidence level? Maybe it is a little of both. People who want to be liked and not cause friction with other people tend to avoid saying the thing that is bothering them the most. Trying to keep yourself safe and delaying whatever needs to be said as long as possible is about fear and holding you back from moving forward.
Think about a time when you were hesitant to say something to someone, but once you did it, it was almost like a big weight was lifted from your shoulders. I would bet that you also realized that it wasn’t that bad and now that you have done it, you are not sure why you waited so long.
It is about standing up for yourself and asking for what you want. It is far better than keeping your opinions hidden from others. You can say what you need to in a way that gets your point across without being seen as negative. I really like to use the Situation Behavior Impact model for this to keep the emotions out of it.
Situation – Describe the situation using facts
Behavior – Describe the behavior that needs to change
Impact – Describe the impact that behavior caused for you, others or the organization
You can also find ways to create a win-win conversation. What if the person is in the wrong job for them based on their style and strengths? Helping them see where they could be in a role that would make them more successful is going to motivate them to move towards that goal and ultimately help you find a person that is a better fit for the role in your team.
Using these approaches allows you to frame up difficult conversations in an easier way. They allow you to have a conversation that is about the behavior and the action plans to address it. You can draft out the way you want to say it, but keeping it as simple as possible is the best approach. You may still have some hesitation with these type of conversations, but the more you do it the easier it will become.
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