Why is Everyone So Afraid to Fail?

Brene Brown who is an author and research professor found that so many people are hiding behind this mask of trying to be perfect in order to avoid failure, shame and vulnerability.  It can be scary to show the “real” you vs the one that you let them see.  This realization really struck home with her when she read this quote from Teddy Roosevelt, “When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make,” says Brown. “Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience.”   I love this quote because it shows how waiting for perfection can prevent you from moving forward into the arena.  Remember that way that you think has a direct impact on your actions.  Perfection becomes an illusion that you continue to chase, but one that you can never attain.

I have written many blogs about being a perfectionist and avoiding failure because I have been there and I see it every day when I am coaching clients.  Brene Brown says that “perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be our best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it’s a shield.”  Have you ever thought about perfectionism as a shield?  Your shield may show up as procrastination, self-sabotage or being critical of others to stay safe.  What if you put the shield down and let the perfectionism go?  Wouldn’t it be a relief to put down the heavy burden and not have to carry it around all the time?

Another quote from Brene is that “many people think of perfectionism as striving to be your best, but it is not about self-improvement; it’s about earning approval and acceptance.”  People spend a lifetime trying to be what others want them to be.  When you stop caring what other people think, the desire to be perfect also falls away.  Is perfection really just about trying to be what others want you to be in order to gain their acceptance and approval?  Think about how much time you have  wasted trying to be what someone else wants you to be.  Is putting your energy toward being something that someone else wants really worth it?

People who are innovating every day are going into the process knowing that they will have failures.  They will learn from these failures, make adjustments and try again.  Some of the greatest inventions have come from so many failures that occurred right before that one success.  What if those people had given up because someone had criticized them?  They had a vision of something bigger and didn’t let anything get in their way.  Being open to failure allows you to be more creative and think outside of the box.  You eliminate any constraints and preconceived notions because it doesn’t matter what outcome you get…good or bad.  Changing your mindset to be okay with failure is a first step.  Building a culture around you (at work and at home) that a person is rewarded for trying is far better, than being penalized because that person failed.  Let’s not be afraid of failure, but welcome it with open arms.

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