We have all grown up with the messages from our families, teachers, media, society, etc that tell us what we are “supposed” to do in our lives. Some of these messages may include: get good grades, go to a good school, get a good job, get married, have children, save for retirement, etc. You get the gist of the messages we have all heard and internalized over many years. Those messages create some ideal picture of who we are supposed to be in our head. You may have a different vision for your life, but when someone sees you stray from the “plan”, then you are told you are different or unique. Unfortunately, how people see us has an impact on how we see ourselves. When you are told you are different, then the acceptance that many people crave from others is no longer there. You may go back to being who others want you to be even though you know deep down that isn’t what you want.
This exact scenario is what causes people to do things in their lives because it fits into some mold that others have for you or that you now have for yourself. Taking a job or staying at a job because it pays well, but makes you miserable is a good example of this thinking. In an article called Retiring Perfectionism, Jess Winans said “Shaming yourself into believing that you are inadequate and unworthy of love, success or happiness because you do not fit into the mold that you have developed in your mind. When you are a perfectionist, your own vision of yourself becomes so distorted that every compliment dealt to you is turned into a new standard which you must overcome or a new goal you must achieve.” So you keep trying to seek out perfection wherever you are to get to this place that will make you happy. When you don’t accomplish it, then it sets off this cycle of shame that continues until you just can’t stand to be there anymore. Unfortunately, for many people they wake up one day realizing how much they have been tolerating and how many years of their life they have wasted.
Another quote from this article “By constantly achieving for “perfect” you are missing out on all of the imperfections that make life beautiful” can help you think about perfection differently. Imagine how different things could be if you stopped trying to be perfect and accepted yourself wherever you are. What if you were doing something that you loved and that you felt was your purpose? You would get out of bed every day excited to go to work and do what you love! You wouldn’t care what others thought because you knew deep inside that this is what you are supposed to do. A great book to read on this topic is The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. It really helps you to change your mindset on imperfections and see that they are the things that make you perfect.
Here are some additional posts on imperfection: