Multiple clients have been struggling with setting boundaries for themselves over the past few weeks. It is something that I have struggled with over the years as well. For example, how many times do you go to an event simply because someone asked you to and you feel bad so you don’t want to say no? We feel bad if we say no, but then we are resentful if we end up going when we didn’t want to. This quote by Brene Brown, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others” describes that situation well.
Isn’t it better to choose the things that you want to do? The point is to choose your priorities, wants and needs first. This isn’t being selfish, it is you choosing the things that bring you joy and happiness in your life. Why is that wrong? We seem to focus on what everyone else thinks so much that we stop thinking about what we want.
Pay attention to the reaction that you have when the next person asks you to do something. It will either be a feeling of excitement or avoidance. Trust that and respond that you are excited to go or you have other plans. It can be as simple as that without any other explanation needed. Sometimes we get into our own head and feel that we need to rationalize our decisions to others. We don’t need to do that at all. These are our boundaries and we get to decide how to manage them.