When someone asks you to do something or go somewhere, do you automatically say yes when you want to say no? Do you put everyone else’s needs in front of your own? These are some of the actions of a textbook people pleaser. Pleasing people isn’t a bad thing, until it becomes automatic, starts to create resentment for you and you realize that you are doing it to avoid conflict. Then it becomes a problem.
Julia Roberts who starred in the movie “The Runaway Bride” had this people pleasing disease. I will give you the quick summary if you haven’t seen the movie. She attempted to get married three different times, but she would always run away at the last minute. She lived in a small town, so it became quite a big deal every time that she would run away. A reporter played by Richard Gere, comes into town to interview her and everyone around her to understand why she would run each time. What he figured out was that she adapted herself to be what each of her potential husbands wanted her to be. She wasn’t showing them who she was and what she liked. She ran away each time because she knew deep in her heart that none of these men she was about to marry knew anything about who she really was. I won’t give away the ending, but she finally does learn what she likes and wants out of her life.
Look at the things in your life that you are saying yes to right now. Do you actually want to do them or are you doing them to make someone else happy? What if you tried an experiment and said no to a few of them? For one week, just ask yourself whether or not you really want to do something before you respond. You can say yes to things that make you happy and excited to do them and no to everything else. It can be just that simple! Get your responses ready if you decide to say no. Some examples could be, “I’ve got other plans already.” or “I’m not available to attend that day.” Having them ready to go will help you feel authentic when you are saying them. You don’t have to explain yourself or say anything else. Just try this and see how amazing it feels to make your own choices!