One of my clients, Tom, works on a team and is interested in moving up to a manager role. He said that he wanted to increase his visibility to show his management that he is ready for a promotion. I asked him, “What are you doing now to increase your visibility?” He responded, “I meet with my manager and my peers on a regular basis. I have made some presentations to my leadership team and received positive feedback for them.” I asked, “Have you done any networking inside the company with other groups? Have you attended any networking events outside the company?” He said, “I attended a networking event a few years ago and it didn’t go very well. I said hi to people, but I wasn’t sure how to start the conversation, so I stood off to the side and looked at my phone. I would like to learn how to do have better conversations.”
Have you ever been in that situation? People like Tom put a lot of pressure on themselves to have the perfect conversation and aren’t sure how to either start or maintain the conversation, so they don’t talk to anyone.
I said to him, “Tom, what if you went into each conversation from a place of curiosity?” He said, “Do you mean that I just ask them a bunch of questions?” I smiled and said, “Yes, ask them questions. However, you are going to come at it from a place of genuine curiosity.” Here are some examples that I shared with him:
- You can start off with “What do you do?” A common question at most networking events, but then you can follow up with “How did you get started in that field? or What do you enjoy most about being in your role or working for your company? or What are the biggest challenges that you face?”
- Another example, “Do you live in the area?” They respond with where they live, and you follow up with, “What do you like best about living there? or How long have you lived there? or Do you have any favorite restaurants or places to visit there?”
What I shared with Tom is a best practice that he could implement right away. Tom said, “I can see how that would generate a different conversation! I can just talk to them like they are a new co-worker or neighbor. I don’t have to over-complicate it or feel pressured to be perfect.”
These questions allow the other person to expand on their answers and share more information with you.
You can learn new things about them that may show you where you could add value to them, connect them with someone else or simply find something in common with them. Go into the conversations with a positive intent and curiosity to learn something fascinating about them. This experience will help you build a stronger relationship and make the other person feel valued.