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What Are You Avoiding In Your Life?

What do you do when it is time to have the tough conversation? There are two common approaches to use. The direct approach will bring both parties together to get everything out on the table and address the situation head on. The second approach is to put off the conversation for as long as possible. Avoidance may seem like the easier route when you don’t want to have the tough conversation, but it is just putting off the inevitable. This…
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Are You Ready To Be Respected and Trusted?

People-pleasers want everyone to like them and they don’t want to risk not being a part of the group. They will withhold their own voice and opinion if they feel that what they have to say isn’t good enough compared to others. They are constantly seeking the approval of others and struggle to stand out. This habit is so ingrained, that they don’t even realize that it is showing up in all parts of their lives and relationships. It can…
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Are You Ready To Step Out Of The Shadows?

Allison was a good student, followed in her mother’s footsteps for her career and married someone just like her father. She rarely tells her children no and buys them things that they want, but they don’t really need. Her friends are involved in lots of activities and because she doesn’t want to feel left out, she joins in with them. Allison is so busy trying to be what everyone else thinks she should be, that she doesn’t even realize that…
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Do You Have The People Pleasing Habit?

If you listened to the stories that are going on inside the head of a people-pleaser you would hear an assortment of messages focused on being liked and wanting to belong.  In an article titled, 21 Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser by Margarita Tartakovsky M.S. she shares the things that you can do to stop people pleasing and the ways to address it with others from a NJ social psychologist. Susan Newman, PhD. who is a social psychologist and…
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Can You See That Receiving Help From Others Is A Good Thing?

When you put everyone else’s needs before your own, there may not be much time or energy left for you. You may start out doing this with the best of intentions because you care about other people and want to help them. However, at some point this want becomes a need for you. Instead of doing it because you want to, it becomes the way for you to belong to a group and play a role that causes you to…
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Are You Sure That You Really Want To Do This?

When someone asks you to do something or go somewhere, do you automatically say yes when you want to say no? Do you put everyone else’s needs in front of your own? These are some of the actions of a textbook people pleaser. Pleasing people isn’t a bad thing, until it becomes automatic, starts to create resentment for you and you realize that you are doing it to avoid conflict. Then it becomes a problem. Julia Roberts who starred in…
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What Do You Need to Get Done?

If you are in an office environment and especially if you have a team, you are getting interrupted about every 8 minutes.  It makes it hard to get a whole lot done in that time.  When I was in the office, I used to go find a place that I could hide out and get things done when I needed to focus.  There are always distractions, but we need to find a way to block those out. As some of you…
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Is This Your Problem to Solve?

As some of you may know I am a former Information Technology person. The thing that is great about IT people is that we are problem solvers at heart. As soon as we hear about an issue, we immediately jump into solution mode. We just can’t help ourselves! The challenge is that solving problems for everyone else may not always be the right answer. For example, two people on your team are disagreeing about some issue or your kids are…
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What Do You Want Your Boundaries To Be?

Multiple clients have been struggling with setting boundaries for themselves over the past few weeks.  It is something that I have struggled with over the years as well.  For example, how many times do you go to an event simply because someone asked you to and you feel bad so you don’t want to say no?  We feel bad if we say no, but then we are resentful if we end up going when we didn’t want to.  This quote…
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What Decisions Do You Make About Your Boundaries?

Setting boundaries for your time is one thing, but being able to maintain them is another.  Keeping your boundaries can be a challenge when there are so many things that need your attention.  There always seem to be more things to do than you have time for.  Maintaining boundaries is hard for those who have trouble saying no to other people.  This is especially true because you don’t want to disappoint those who need your help or let them down. Even though…
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