Coaches are some of the most supportive people on the planet, but we also deliver the truth to our clients.
Sometimes we are the messengers of the truth that they already know deep down inside, but need to hear it out loud from someone else to begin to accept it.
Tammy brought me a potential role that she was interested in for another company. I was surprised to see it because she had been at her company for a long time. She was a single mom and even by her own admission wanted to be liked by people. She had experienced a lot of challenges in her life and avoided conflict as much as possible. She was smart, dependable, and her strong work ethic was evident by doing whatever was necessary to make a deadline. She had been asked to take a demotion and a pay cut to move to a part of the organization where there was more work and less likelihood of a layoff. It felt like her manager was looking out for her best interests and she couldn’t risk a layoff, so she accepted it.
We talked about the potential role new role and I asked her why was she interested in this now. She shared all of the negative things that had been happening for quite a while. In her mind, she was powerless to make changes and felt like she was stuck. She dealt with it to keep her job. It wasn’t great, but then her manager gave her a lower rating on her end-of-year review. He justified it by saying she hadn’t been in her role very long. He barely talked to her and there had been no conversations with her on her performance, so how did he even know what she was or wasn’t doing? Tammy pushed back on her boss, but she felt like she had no choice, but to accept it.
Tammy didn’t feel appreciated. She had given everything to this company, but it made her miserable. She had so much fear about any possible change, that she stayed because it provided the illusion of safety and security. People can’t always see their blind spots or they are too deep into a situation for too long to have perspective anymore. We talked in more detail about the things that had happened and how they impacted her. Tammy didn’t feel like she had a voice and she diminished her value. She dismissed all the good things that she had done because others didn’t see it.
She found it easier to hide out in the background than to stand up for herself and make a different choice.
Tammy wasn’t my client, but I asked her if I could share with her what I would say to one of my clients in a similar situation? I said this will be hard to hear, are you open? She said yes. This company doesn’t value you, because you don’t value yourself. You are so much smarter and valuable than you give yourself credit for because they have killed your confidence. I think you have told yourself a story that this company is stable, but is that true? She had to admit that it wasn’t. I explained that you always have a choice in these situations, even when you think that you don’t. We talked about what choice she wanted to make so she could be happy and appreciated.
Don’t allow others to make you feel invisible and undervalued. If you are in a similar situation, please know that you have choices. Life is too short to be in a situation that makes you miserable. If you want my help, here is the link to set up a time with me: 30 minute conversation