I was sitting in a book editing retreat to learn the best ways to edit my book a few years ago.
It was a small group event held in a beautiful resort in upstate New York to teach all the future authors in the room how to edit our books. During one of the first days of the event, each of us was supposed to take a turn reading a small selection of one of our chapters to the rest of the group. I remember listening to the other authors read their chapters and tears came to my eyes. What they shared was so touching and their words really connected with me.
As I thought about my own chapter to read to the group, a huge realization hit me like a ton of bricks, my book wasn’t going to connect with people like the stories that these other authors shared! It wasn’t that I wanted to make everyone cry necessarily, but as my stories were right now in the book, the readers wouldn’t be able to relate to what I was sharing. AJ Harper, my book workshop leader, had always told me to “show not tell.” I heard the words but didn’t totally know what she meant until that moment!
I was afraid to show through my writing what had really happened all those years ago.
I was still wearing my corporate armor and hiding the truth of what I had gone through. Seriously, I was writing a book about being visible and still hiding! Crazy huh? I had not included stories in my book that were vulnerable enough to connect with people like the stories these other authors in the retreat had just read! The irony of that moment was that I realized vulnerability was a theme that I had chosen for that year! Clearly, I needed to do something different!
That was a pivotal moment that changed so much for me. I went back to my hotel room that night and rewrote chapter one again. This time I told it all…the good, the bad, and the ugly! It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t perfect, but it was real and vulnerable. The next day I read that chapter to AJ and I nearly cried. She said, “this is the moment, I have been waiting for Sue! You are showing what that experience was like for you so the reader can relate to you and how you felt.”
Writing this book pushed me to be vulnerable.
Once I re-wrote that chapter, it opened the vulnerability floodgates and I haven’t stopped. I don’t hold back when I talk about my experiences and what I went through. I know that there are others out there who need to know that they aren’t alone. They need to know that someone else has been through what they are experiencing right now and has come out the other side.
After I finished speaking at a global company this week, one of the participants came up to meet me. She said, “I just wanted to tell you that I really appreciated how vulnerable you were. You shared so many of your personal stories with us, which helped me see what is possible now. It is truly a gift that you have.” I was so touched to hear that especially when I had struggled with it so much just a few short years ago!
I have embraced vulnerability in a big way since that day at the editing retreat.
I know it increases trust and it helps me to build stronger relationships. I can be visible in a way that is authentic and just be myself. You can do the same thing too. Be brave and share more of yourself and your stories. Just imagine what it could do for you, your team, and your relationships.