I met with a woman yesterday who needed help quickly. A friend of hers that I had helped recently recommended that she contact me. She had a big career negotiation/decision to make and it was a bit complicated. She shared what the options were and her background which was impressive.
We talked about the options for the role negotiation that she had to do, the short term and long term plan for her career and most importantly I reminded her that she has a ton of highly regarded experiences. I told her that she is valuable and that she needs to remember that when she is asking for what she wants during these conversations. She hesitated, as if she had forgotten that she is valuable, before responding almost in a whisper…”thank you for saying that.”
She knew that she could do amazing things, but seeing her own value and talking about it was a challenge. I understand how vulnerable it feels to talk about what you are good at and many of us are brought up not to talk about it. Instead we hear messages like, “keep your head down, do the work and it will get noticed.” Until it doesn’t. This is why learning how to talk about what you are good at is so important.
When you are great at something, others will notice it, but it may be hard for you to see it for yourself. Think back on a time when someone paid you a compliment for something that you do well. How did you respond? Did you tell the person it isn’t a big deal, even though you knew how long to took you to get good at it?
You will deflect compliments when you struggle to see your value and know your worth. However, when you deflect, you also unintentionally dismiss the person who paid you the compliment.
What if you recognized what you are good at and accepted it instead? Here is what you could say:
“Thank you so much for noticing, I have worked really hard to excel at this!” or
“Thank you, my team and I put a lot of work into this project to implement it well and that work paid off!.”
It shows that you own your value and you are proud of what you (or your team) are good at, and it also shows appreciation for the other person who complimented you. I know the first few times may be uncomfortable, but I promise you will get better each time.
Next time someone pays you a compliment, simply say thank you. The compliment from them is the recognition that they admire your skill and ability to do what you can do. They see you and your value even if you don’t.
A coach once told me, “if you don’t see your own value, how can you expect others to value you?” It was a powerful moment to hear that message. It was a turning point for me to see my value and talk about it with others.
When I coach people, I want them to know that I see their value even if they can’t see it yet. Sometimes we need to receive the external validation first to begin to create the internal belief of our value. Pay attention to compliments from others and what they admire about you. Accept that you have a gift. It is time for you to believe in your own value and show it to others!
Reach out if I can help you see your value so you can share it with others!😀
👋 Hi! I’m Susan M. Barber!
💜 My mission is to broaden the understanding of what visibility means and enables for business leaders. ⭐ I work with leaders who want to break free from their limiting beliefs, shift the narrative they have about themselves, and help them to amplify their voices so they can have what they want in their life and career!
📘 Check out my book The Visibility Factor! You can find it online in Paperback, e-book or Audiobook!
🎧 Listen to The Visibility Factor Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts!
Follow me on LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/susanbarbercoaching/