Have you ever been in a conversation and the other person is looking at their phone, looking around and focusing on anything but you? How did that make you feel? Frustrated, irritated and unimportant might be some words that you would use to describe the feeling. Listening to someone can make or break a relationship.
When I was in college and one of my roommates had an issue they would come to me to talk it through. They always said I was such a good listener. I didn’t always have all the answers, but I just listened so that they felt heard.
I never really thought about it much, it was just something that I did to support a friend. I had a good foundation for listening, but it wasn’t until I became a coach that I realized how important listening really is when you are having a conversation with someone.
I will let you in on a little secret…you can learn so much about someone simply by listening to the words they use (or don’t use) and how they say things. People describe issues to you in the best way that they know how. The goal of a good listener is to pick up on those things and ask them to share more about them. Encouraging them to talk more will help them reflect and help them realize something that they never thought of before.
Sometimes it is the emotion in their voice that you hear or how they stop themselves from saying something that may be a clue. Share with them what you have observed and play back to them what you are hearing from them to see if that is truly how they feel.
Here is a challenge for you: Next time you are having a conversation, give the other person the opportunity to talk and just be present. Focus on what they are saying without thinking about what your reply is going to be. You can just be silent. If you find yourself beginning to fill the silence just think about the acronym of WAIT to remind yourself. WAIT stands for “why am I talking?” Being an active listener is something that you can do in your professional or personal life. You will see that people appreciate the fact that you are really listening to them. This will take some practice, but it will get easier and will help you build stronger relationships.
Are you looking for a last minute gift for someone? It may not something that you considered, but helping them learn more about themselves is a great gift! Assessments are still 50% off through the end of December. They will receive a gift certificate, a personalized report about their behaviors and motivations and a one hour debrief of the results with me. You could get one for yourself too! Send me a note and we can get started!