Yesterday’s post focused on perfectionism and the fear of failure. This is another perspective on how perfectionism is playing out in the younger generations today. In this article by Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill called Perfectionism is Increasing and That’s Not Good News, studied 41,641 American, British and Canadian college students between 1989-2016 to look at perfectionism in a few different ways. Their findings determined that “recent generations of young people are more demanding of themselves, perceive that others are more demanding of them, and are more demanding of others.” Other studies of perfectionism have shown links to affective disorders, anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), eating disorders, and other mental health problems. These types of impacts are a result of comparisons and the need for acceptance and approval. Previous generations compared themselves and had the same needs, so what changed to create these issues?
Have our feelings about our own perfectionism projected these demands and unattainable tendencies onto the generations behind us? They are being termed the “snowflake generation” because they are considered to be self-entitled and overly sensitive. They didn’t get that way all by themselves. Have we tried to protect them too much from disappointment and failure? Are the demands that have been placed on them to live up to our perceived expectations creating all of this pressure? What messages we are sending to them about how to reach success? They may be viewing their families as one example, but they can see the world and have more information than we did, so it is shaping what they think they need to do every day.
Growing up without social media, I didn’t have the visibility to see what everyone else was doing which may have been a blessing in disguise. I went home and got away from the pressure of seeing everyone else each night. I knew what my immediate group of friends were doing, but I didn’t know what everyone else was doing. The younger generations can now see what all of their close friends, acquaintances and celebrities are doing every second of the day and night. Whether the information is true or not is another thing, but it is on the internet so it must be true, right? This messaging is in their face 24 x7 and it is intimidating. Especially for those who lack confidence, have low self-esteem, are more introverted, not as popular, not getting all As, don’t know which college to go to or what major to choose. Yes, they can turn off their phones and stop looking at all of these apps, but this is how they socialize now. They don’t even need to leave the house, because their social life is on their phone. They can see all of this information every second of the day and night. It is putting enormous pressure on them to live up to this unattainable idea of what everyone else is doing.
I share this with you as information to think about as a parent or someone who is leading young adults. Many of them have no idea how to fail, problem solve, deal with disappointment, communicate what they are thinking or build interpersonal relationships outside of social media. They need the patience to learn these things with people who give them the environment to try, fail and try again. Set the example, build their confidence and self-esteem. Help them see that perfection is unattainable and that they are perfect just the way that they are. Help them to believe in themselves and show your own imperfections. Share your stories of how you learned these lessons, where you failed and how to be flexible. They should not see these things as a sign of failure, weakness or reasons to be anxious. Help them to enjoy this time in their lives and recognize that everyone goes through these things as a part of growing up.