I recently participated in an online class that was focused on people getting more visibility in their lives. What was amazing to me was how many women joined this group very quickly. I wasn’t the only one seeking out options to be visible in a more meaningful way. Why is being visible such a challenge for women in general and more specifically for women in leadership? This issue of self-promotion or being visible impacts women and their ability to get promoted, speak up for themselves in their lives, and impacts how they see themselves.
They go into roles with so much confidence and then something happens along the way. Someone criticizes them for an assertive comment that they make in a meeting, they regret not handling a conversation in the best way, they have a boss that doesn’t support them, or they compare themselves to others who have more experience which creates self-doubt. These types of situations create a loss of confidence. These experiences can impact women more deeply because they personalize these situations and create a negative story in their head that continues to play on repeat every day going forward.
This is, unfortunately, a common story and it causes women to keep from putting themselves out in front of others due to their own self-doubt and fear. These situations stop them from playing big in their lives. They don’t self-promote for themselves or their teams because they worry that it will be viewed as bragging. They will hide behind other stronger personalities or sabotage themselves to prevent failure when they start to see that success is possible for them.
There is a fear to put yourself out there and risk failure. This was me many years ago. My go-to response was to see any situation as my fault before I would even consider another option. I played small and I hid behind the rationalizations in my head. When I saw that this was seriously impacting my career, I decided that I could continue to play the victim, or I could do something about it. I sought out mentors and an executive coach to ask for help even though that was a scary thing for me to do. This change in mindset didn’t happen overnight, but they helped me realize that those situations didn’t define me. I needed to trust myself and do what I thought was right regardless of anyone else’s opinions. It was completely empowering, and my confidence grew. I no longer needed to hide behind others or compare myself.
Just think about a big opportunity that has happened for you. When you thought about doing it, what messages started going off in your head? Were they negative and critical or positive and optimistic? For a person who has a story in their head that is negative and critical, they will hear “you can’t do this new thing, you aren’t ready, or other people would be better for it than you would be.”
When this happens, you have a choice to make. You can believe those messages, or can you be grateful knowing that they are just there to help you stay safe. You now know that those messages aren’t true, so you get to be bold and take on this new opportunity.
Imagine the possibility of doing something great. You get to show up and lead differently. Give yourself permission to be yourself and if you make mistakes then you will learn from them. It is okay and expected. No one is perfect 100% of the time. You don’t want to have regrets that you didn’t do something bigger. Believe in yourself and choose the riskier path. You are stronger than you think. Put yourself out in the world in an authentic way. Being visible in this way is the only option to let people see you and know what you can do!