I was coaching with a leader this morning who was working on how to best prioritize her work. Many people depend on what she does, but she didn’t think that she could say no to anyone. We talked about how to take the time to ask questions of the person who has a request before she immediately responded with a yes.
Why is this important? When you immediately say yes to every request then you can’t get your own work done and you feel more overwhelmed. I encouraged her to ask questions before she said yes. Some examples that she come up with were: What is really needed? When does it absolutely have to be done? Can I suggest some options to do it differently? These are some basic questions that could help her decide whether to say yes or discuss options. She had to look at what impact this would have on her work if she said yes.
For people who feel like they can’t say no, being able to ask questions before saying yes is a muscle that needs to be built.
It helps them to maintain their boundaries and not just accept the request. This helps them to build their confidence, advocate for themselves and gives them a choice. They get to make decisions and negotiate the request so they can provide the best options that work for them. They may hold off on other work to do this request, they may delegate to someone else, they may say that they can’t do it until next week because they have a higher priority project. There are always options to look at and then make the decision.
Helping leaders use their voice and stand up for themselves is a way for them to be visible.
This empowers leaders to have a conversation and make their own decisions. They don’t have to respond with a yes or a no until they understand the commitment, what it will take to accomplish it and what is best for them. If you are a leader who struggles to say no to requests, then try using this approach and see how you can be a stronger advocate for yourself and your work.