Can we all just stop breaking our boundaries already?
I taught a class last week on impostor syndrome with an amazing group of leaders. I asked them which impostor syndrome type they struggled with the most and the majority of them chose to keep their boundaries personally and professionally.
Boundaries create guidelines and rules for you and others to understand, follow and respect. You can define physical, relationship, conversational, and time boundaries for yourself. Strong boundaries help you to avoid feeling disrespected, burned out, and overwhelmed. They allow you to focus on what you want to spend your time on instead of what others want you to do.
If we allow people to cross our boundaries, then they will always do it because we teach people how to treat us. If you don’t tell them that what they are doing bothers you, then they will keep doing it.
There is a lot of overlap between breaking your boundaries and being a people pleaser. This is because you will usually break your boundaries in order to please someone else. Believe me, I have been the person who let the needs of everyone else take over all my time. I didn’t even realize it was happening which is hard to admit. When I started to feel resentful or I felt like they were taking advantage of me was when I finally realized it.
Wouldn’t it be better to set stronger boundaries in the beginning?
Of course, it would! Here are some easy ways to do this:
- If someone makes a request of you, don’t immediately just say yes. Ask yourself if it is something that you want to do. You don’t have to be the only person that helps everyone else out. Your time is valuable and you get to make the choice of where to spend it.
- Reflect on why the needs of others are more important than your needs. Is it an old story or belief that you learned and it became the way you thought things should be? It doesn’t have to be that way anymore. You can change the belief in your head and choose a new one that puts you first instead.
- It is always better to be ready when someone asks for your help. Don’t apologize, but leverage one of these statements instead:
- I have plans tonight, perhaps another time.
- I hope that your event goes well for you.
- I am not available at that time, but I can meet next week.
Additional Resources on Boundaries that you may find helpful!
- In episode 4 of The Visibility Factor Podcast, Mary Tess Rooney, shares some great approaches that she has implemented to hold her boundaries. I have learned a lot from her and I know you will too!
- In episode 9 of The Visibility Factor Podcast, I focus an entire episode on boundaries and provide some additional tips to strengthen them.
- How to Overcome Impostor Syndrome – an article I wrote for CEO Today Magazine.