“Now, what am I going to do?” It is the decision that every people pleasing leader dreads.
They have held time for themselves to work on a project and someone else sends a meeting invite for the exact same time. Do they give their own time up to take that meeting and make the other person happy?
Although they may not want to, a people pleaser will give up their own time in a heartbeat to make others happy. Why do other people’s wants and needs matter more than their own? There is a fear of not belonging or being thought of in a negative way that overrules anything else that they may want for themselves.
If this is something that you struggle with, would you like to do something different? Are you ready to experiment with putting yourself first instead? Here is what you can do to hold your boundaries and stop people-pleasing:
- What if you asked if this is something that you could respond to in an email since you are trying to finish this project on a deadline?
- What if you asked how urgent this discussion is and see if it can be delayed?
- What if you sent back an alternate time to meet without any explanation?
I know some of these things may feel uncomfortable, but it is just because you haven’t done it before.
Speaking up and advocating for yourself is a form of visibility.
You never considered that it would be okay to ask questions or suggest alternatives. You didn’t want to look bad or appear to push back on others. However, this means that the impact of choosing others over yourself is only felt by you. Now you have to get your work done at night when you would rather be with your family.
There are always trade-offs to be made, but it shouldn’t always be you who has to compromise your wants and needs for others. Consider this your permission slip to try a different approach. Experiment with some of these ideas. You will see how great it feels to make your own decisions about your time and what you do with it. Send me a note and let me know how it feels to put yourself first for a change!
Put yourself first and ensure you get what you need. If people-pleasing is something you struggle with let me know. If you want to set up some time to chat about your specific situation, here is the link: Let’s Chat!