Every single day I meet with people who feel like they aren’t enough. They have thoughts running through their heads that tell them other people are better, smarter, and know more. They may recognize that these thoughts are happening, but they don’t understand how these thoughts impact their behavior. The impact of this kind of thinking impacts everything that they do. They hold themselves back and play small and these thoughts prevent them from reaching their potential. This leads these individuals to undervalue themselves and the strengths that they have to offer.
There can be many reasons why people feel like they aren’t valued, leading to the thoughts that they aren’t enough. How this shows up can vary from person to person. Here are some possible explanations:
Social Comparison:
People often compare themselves to others, especially on social media, and this can lead to feelings of inadequacy if they perceive themselves as not measuring up to others. They may feel undervalued if they constantly compare themselves to others who they perceive as more successful or accomplished. Recognize that what people put on social media isn’t always true and instead is what they want others to see about them.
Expectations:
People may not feel valued if their contributions are not being recognized or appreciated. If people have unrealistic expectations of themselves or others, they may feel disappointed when those expectations are not met, which can lead to feelings of being undervalued. They may also have very high standards for themselves; if they fall short of these standards, they may feel like they’re not good enough. This can happen in the workplace, in social situations, or even in personal relationships.
Negative Self-Talk:
Negative self-talk, or how people talk to themselves in their minds, can be very damaging. If someone constantly criticizes themselves and focuses on their flaws, it can contribute to feelings of inadequacy. People who have low self-esteem may have difficulty recognizing their own worth, which can make them feel undervalued by others. Sometimes, people may not feel valued simply because they are not being told or shown that they are valued.
Past Trauma:
Past experiences of rejection, criticism, or failure can lead people to believe that they are not good enough or that they don’t deserve happiness or success. Many of these situations may have happened to them when they were younger and it has stayed with them into adulthood. Someone may have laughed at them or criticized them when they presented in school. Now even as an adult when they have to present that same feeling is re-triggered again.
Although feeling like you’re not enough is a common experience, please know that it is not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. It’s important to remember that feeling valued is subjective, and what makes one person feel valued may not be the same for another person. Be aware of what your thoughts are and ask yourself if they are helping you or holding you back.
My role as a coach is to help my clients see that the thoughts they are having may have come from one of these reasons. They don’t have to give any meaning to those thoughts and can instead insert new thoughts that will help them. Those new thoughts will change their behaviors and actions. We also talk about their accomplishments and successes. They need to see how amazing they are so they can build back their confidence. Helping someone to believe in themselves again can change everything for them in all areas of their life.
Start to build trust in yourself so you can move away from comparison, and negative self-talk and recognize that you can make different choices. If you haven’t read my article on self-trust you can click here to learn how to do it. Wouldn’t it be better to be your authentic self and do what you think is right instead?