Your Imperfections Are What Make You Perfect

We have all grown up with programming and messages from our families, teachers, media, society, culture, etc. that tell us what we are “supposed” to do in our lives. Some of these messages may include: get good grades, go to a good school, get a good job, get married, have children, save for retirement, follow the rules, don’t talk back, respect your elders, etc. You get the gist of the messages that we have all heard and internalized over many years.

Those messages instill some sort of ideal picture in your head of how to be perfet and act perfect. If you have a different vision for your life and someone sees you stray from the “plan” that they think you should have, then you are told you are different or unique. You don’t fit into the mold that has been defined by others and therefore the message is…you don’t belong.

Do you require external validation?

External validation is the need that you have for someone else to tell you how you are doing. You are smart because your teacher gave you a good grade. Your parents approve of you because you do what they expect of you. Your manager gives you a high rating so that must mean that you are doing well.

If you want to belong, then you feel like you have to fit in to what is expected. People who crave external validation will turn themselves inside out to please someone else so that they can hear that they are doing good. They simply don’t know how to do that for themselves.

When you don’t yet believe in yourself, it is easier to adopt what other people see in you. How people see you becomes the way that you see yourself. If you feel that you are different, then the acceptance that you crave from others is no longer there. If your goal is to fit in, then you will be who others want you to be, even though you know deep down that isn’t what you want.

Why does this happen?

This exact scenario is what causes people to do things in their lives because it fits into a mold that others have. You adopt that mold in order to keep their acceptance of you. Taking a job or staying at a job because it pays well, but makes you miserable is a good example of this thinking.

In an article called Retiring Perfectionism, Jess Winans said “Shaming yourself into believing that you are inadequate and unworthy of love, success or happiness because you do not fit into the mold that you have developed in your mind. When you are a perfectionist, your own vision of yourself becomes so distorted that every compliment dealt to you is turned into a new standard which you must overcome or a new goal you must achieve.”  (note: this article is no longer available online so there is not a link to read it unfortunately.)

You seek out perfection in order to get to this certain place in your company or your life that you think will make you happy. When you don’t accomplish it, then it sets off this cycle of shame that continues until you just can’t stand to be there anymore. Unfortunately, for many people they wake up one day realizing how much they have been tolerating and how many years of their life they have wasted.

Being imperfect and unique is the way.

Another quote from this article “By constantly achieving for “perfect” you are missing out on all of the imperfections that make life beautiful.” Imagine how different things could be if you stopped trying to be perfect and accepted yourself wherever you are right now.

This is your permission slip –  Tell yourself right now…I am great just as I am and I embrace all my imperfections! There is nothing you need to change other than to decide that imperfect is a much better place to be and choose to be who you are and how you want to be.

You have already seen imperfection in others. Think about someone that you admire. They stand out in your mind in some way. What they say or do is helping them be viewed differently than their peers. They try things and have adopted being imperfect. It has freed them to let go of expectations from others. They can show up in the best way now. People who try things and are unique are the ones who stand out amongst the crowd.

Here is my invitation to you: Trust yourself, know that you know what is best for you. Simply slow down and give yourself a chance to see the right answers.

Living without perfection is the best thing you can do for yourself. Adopt imperfect actions and believe that your imperfections are what make you special. Others will see a person who has self-trust and is leading themselves in the best way!