Are you labeling yourself without realizing it?
On a recent podcast, I talked about being an introvert and how I embraced that label. Although it seemed like a good thing at the time, I may have leaned on that label a bit too much.
Assessments
I first learned about being an introvert when I took the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment. My experience with this assessment was quite a few years ago, and at that time, I had no idea what the terms introvert and extrovert meant. If you have taken the MBTI you are probably very familiar with those terms because one of the results that you receive is whether you fall into the introvert or extrovert category. I was categorized as an introvert when I got my results.
Of course, there were other results of the assessment that were interesting, but that introvert part stuck out the most for me. It was the first time that I can remember hearing that it was okay to prefer small groups to big crowds and that an introvert might need to recharge their batteries after being with people all day. I realized that I had been given a permission slip to tap into those opportunities for solitude and not feel bad about it. It explained so much about why I was drained of energy at the end of the day. For all my introverted friends out there, is that a permission slip that you need to give yourself too?
Introvert Stories I now know that I used the label of being an introvert as an excuse to hold myself back. I created stories that protected me so I could stay in the background and out of the spotlight. Some of the stories I believed were:
- Introverts aren’t good at networking, so I shouldn’t attend those kinds of events
- Only leaders who are extroverts can be successful, so I can’t get promoted
- Extroverts are the only people valued in my company, so I self-sabotaged
- Introverts aren’t good at speaking in public, so I avoided speaking unless I felt I had no choice
- Introverts don’t want the spotlight on them, so I avoided speaking up in meetings or “sitting at the table”
Those stories were wrong, but I couldn’t see them at the time. If you have any of these old stories like I did, you need to examine them to see if they are really true for you now and are they helping you to grow or stopping you.
The Truth Is…
Yes, I used the story “I can’t do that because I am an introvert” as an excuse, because of fear. I lived with the thoughts that I wasn’t good enough or that I wasn’t adding value and someone was going to find out. So if I could tell myself that introverts can stay home and they don’t have to attend events with a lot of people, I could stay safe. Are you using a label like being an introvert to keep yourself safe too?
Once I built up more self-awareness, I could see that these stories were just that…stories. Once you look at them as stories, they lose their power. I could see that they weren’t real and I could then push them into the background and do what I wanted to do. I began to see the value that I brought and let the label fall away. I didn’t need that label to keep me safe any more.
Going through that experience taught me that I would have to approach networking differently and do things in another way. I didn’t have to hold myself back. I could reach the same visibility outcome that an extrovert could but using my style and approach instead.
Now It’s Your Turn
You may have the introvert label or a different one that you are holding on to as a way to protect yourself. Take a deep breath and think about what your life could look like if you no longer believed that label was who you are. Take a look at the places in your life or career where you are holding yourself back from playing bigger. Now you have a choice to become the person that you have been wanting to become, but didn’t think that it was possible. It’s okay to get excited about the opportunities you have in front of you! Now you can decide what you want to do with nothing holding you back anymore.
Here is a quick way to just take one small step to think differently about this labeling. Write down this prompt: “What would my life look like if I no longer believed I was an introvert?”
For the next five minutes write out all the possibilities that you could be, do and have in your life based on the answer to that prompt. What do you see when you look at all the things that you listed? Are you surprised? Maybe a little scared? That’s okay and completely normal. Just breathe and imagine what happens when you take this next step with any of the things on your list. What would change for you?
The more you do this, the less you worry and hold yourself back. You no longer worry about what others think about you and you don’t care what they are doing. You trust yourself to do what you think is right and take imperfect action. It is so freeing to let go of all of those things that have been holding you back. I don’t want you to ever hold yourself prisoner with a label when you could enjoy the freedom of reaching your potential in your life and your career!